Everything That's Wrong with America's #2 Concert Venue!
On my mission to point out what's f'ed up about Colorado, I raise these quibbles with the very best place I've ever seen a concert. WRITTEN & ILLUSTRATED by PETER MOORE, SPECIAL to THE COLORADO SUN
Even paradise gets it wrong, sometimes. And few concert venues do paradisial better than Red Rocks Amphitheater, the geological-oddity-cum-music-cathedral just west of Denver. I attend at least one show every summer, and I’m transported to new heights. Unfortunately, I have to reach those heights on foot, humping from far distant parking lots, having paid and arm and a leg for the privilege. After that, is $12 for a beer too much to ask? Maybe, if you have to hike 200 vertical feet to the bathroom. Here’s my most recent column in The Colorado Sun, on the subject. You can check out all of my Coloradobservations there by hitting this link. But don’t cancel your flight to DIA. Blucipher, our airport’s freaky mascot, is aching to welcome you. And spook the hell out of you on your way west, to Red Rocks.
DON’T GET ME WRONG. I love going to concerts at Red Rocks! I love it so much, I even have a secret parking strategy. And no, I’m not telling you what it is. Who needs the competition? But I am willing to share some basic intel about how to navigate the second best-attended concert venue in the U.S. (Screw you, Madison Square Garden! And the Knicks, too!)
Clearly, Red Rocks is a world-beater. It’s just the concertgoers who have challenges.
Red Rocks Challenge No. 1
Finding your peeps in seating meant just for you. (Auxiliary challenge: Affording those tickets.)
Red Rocks Challenge No. 2
The arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice. At Red Rocks, however, it bends up many flights of stairs.
Red Rocks Challenge No. 3
Breathing.
Red Rocks Challenge No. 4
Snacks. They pay Sherpas a lot to hump food up there.
Red Rocks Challenge No. 4.5
Chewing the scenery.
Red Rocks Challenge No. 5
Complying with local ordinances.
Red Rocks Challenge No. 6
Ignoring all that. Despite the ticket prices, the cost of food and drink, the location (Morrison, really?), the strenuous hikes from the parking lots, second-hand smoke from joints, the odd hailstorm, the inevitable pre- and post-concert jams on Interstate 70 and, OMG, those far-distant restrooms, Red Rocks remains a magical venue. Especially as the sun sets and the performers, and the city, and the moon and stars, for heaven’s sake, begin to shine brightly.
OK! OK! I’ll hit Big Red again this summer! Anybody have spare tickets for James Taylor, on June 14?
“Turn it up to eleven.” —Nigel Tufnel, from Spinal Tap.
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Many thanks for joining me on the Road2Elsewhere. Crank the tunes, and Red-Rock on!
Bucket list concert site for me, although perhaps I need to start saving up now if I expect to be able to afford any concessions.
Hahaha! 😂